Remembering me

Today’s a big day for me. It’s the first day after the end of a two-and-a-half year relationship. I’m of marrying age, so I thought I would see this as a waste of a decent-sized portion of my life. However, by the grace of God, I see it as I should–part of the learning process of life.

I’m not sure when life became so complicated, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I step up to the challenge of complication. I remember when I used to date boys based upon their Abercrombie clothing, or uber-gelled hairstyle. Now the make-or-break issues have turned into potential mothers-in-law and religion. The ability to provide and the desire to commit. I’ve grown tired of introspection and retelling the break-up story to friends and family. But more than that, I’m tired of breaking up with myself for guys who aren’t strong enough to do it on their own. 

I’d love to have an in-depth discussion with the man who clandestine-style taught a top-secret class to 20-something men across the nation about “getting their ducks in a row” before they decide to start a family. I’m positive that he stressed the importance of getting ahead in business before loving a woman. America’s Greatest Generation may soon get up out of its coffins and try to teach what’s left of this country about the commitment of love and the importance of family.  Love doesn’t get put on hold for a career. Tragically, it dies a certain death.

But just because love dies,  does not mean I do with it. Quite the contrary: I feel like I’m alive again. I already remember parts of me that I forgot along the way. And I’m going to keep remembering me until I’m whole again. I’m going to make friends with whomever I’d like–male or female. I’m going to attend the church right down the road that I think I truly always wanted to attend. I’m going to watch a few movies that never made it through the compromise stage.  I’m going to talk too much to a perfect stranger. I’m even going to reinstate the phone numbers of male friends who got axed along the way. Most importantly, though, I’m going to write.